Sonics Bruising: Week Eight Roundup

Float like a butterfly. - Kent Gavin

Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. Well, not much floating going on, but definitely lots of stinging. We give you week eight of the Sonics Bruising League.

'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the league, we had a motivational speaking tour from Muhammad Ali.

Last week, our two remaining unbeaten teams stayed that way. The Frozen Envelope reclaimed top scoring honors and soundly defeated Paul Rogers in the process, while Team Catdawg survived a scare from Team Meirose.

Aside from that, it was a normal week in the SBL. While our franchises and players spread peace on earth and goodwill toward men in their private time, they spread body parts and brooding stares all over the court.

MATCHUP(Z) TO WATCH

This is the one we've been waiting for, y'all. The two unbeaten juggernauts are finally facing off. The Frozen Envelope (8-0) goes up against Team Catdawg (8-0). This is going to be intense and you shouldn't expect them to be gentle with each other because of holiday spirit.

This will be a page from LA Confidential. Bloody Christmas.

HEAD-TO-HEAD

The Frozen Envelope 1721, Paul Rogers 1485.5

"I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on." ~ Muhammad Ali

This is an example that the Envelope has followed all season long and this week was no different.

Nikola Pekovic led the Frozen ones with 249.5 points on 43 rebounds and 16 fouls, while Serge Ibaka contributed 235 points on 33 rebounds and 16 fouls.

Rogers' loss negates a monster night for DeAndre Jordan, who had 303.5 points on 60 rebounds, 12 blocks, and 11 fouls.

Crap!

Team Heaney 1517, Sethley The Nephew 1434.5

"I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own." ~ Muhammad Ali

Team Heaney was the astronaut in this match-up and he needed the extra elevation to get by Sethley in a close contest.

Al Jefferson sparked Heaney with 253.5 points on 45 rebounds and 77 scoring points (SP). Kevin Durant had 28 rebounds and 103 SP for a tally of 219 points.

Andrew Bogut highlighted The Nephew's week with 196.5 points on 48 rebounds and 6 blocks.

Phil's Radio Team 1473, Baltimore Bullets 870.5

"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark." ~ Muhammad Ali

If anyone's lights went out in this match-up, it was the Bullets'. The Radio Team threw the switch.

Kevin Love was balling for Phil's squad. 126 SP and 21 rebounds powered him to a tally of 263 points. Damian Lillard contributed 163 points on 101 SP and 16 rebounds.

John Wall led the Bullets with 150.5 points on 9 steals, 11 fouls, and 61 SP.

Da Double Techs 1462.5, Manmade Seacows 1307

"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize." ~ Muhammad Ali

The Seacows had that dream about Da Double Techs and an apology would be appropriate.

Anderson Varejao led the Techs with 148 points on 28 rebounds and 8 fouls, while Paul Pierce had 142.5 points on 21 rebounds and 65 SP.

Amir Johnson's 196 points on 32 rebounds and 15 fouls led the Seacows.

Team Catdawg 1411, Team Meirose 1380

"If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." ~ Muhammad Ali

Not gonna lie to you. I have no idea how to work that quote into a lead for this game story. Let's just say that Catdawg slugged out a hard-fought victory to keep that big fat zero in her loss column.

Dwight Howard powered the winners with 221 points on 40 rebounds and 77 SP, while Joakim Noah followed with 216.5 points on 48 rebounds and 53 SP.

Jared Sullinger led Meirose with 32 rebounds and 71 SP to tally 200.5 points.

Andre + Jennette 1383, Cobra Kai 1241

"Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life." ~ Muhammad Ali

Daniel San donated his crane maneuver to Andre + Jennette, who used it to make the Cobra Kai uglier than they already were. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.

Steven Adams topped the winning effort with 177 points on 20 rebounds and 16 fouls. Taj Gibson followed with 151.5 points on 19 rebounds and 48 SP.

Josh Smith led the Kai with 221 points, highlighted by 23 rebounds, 10 steals, and 87 blocks.

Bothell Beavers 1268.5, Primetime Sheed's 1106.5

"No one knows what to say in the loser's locker room." ~ Muhammad Ali

The players of Sheed's knew exactly what to say. "We got punked by the Bothell Beavers."

"Flopping" Paul George led the Beavers with 207.5 points on 31 rebounds and 90 SP. Pau Gasol contributed 176.5 points with 58 SP and 32 boards.

Zach Randolph's 188.5 points on 40 rebounds and 57 SP led Sheed's.

Seattle Glove and Hate 1222.5, Seattle Mike Baker 1043

"It will be a killer, and a chiller, and a thriller, when I get the gorilla in Manila." ~ Muhammad Ali

It was a raker, a shaker, and a maker when the Glove and Hate got the Baker. Wow. That was a really bad lead.

Blake Griffin led the Glove and Hate with 272 points on 104 SP and 45 boards. DeMarcus Cousins followed with 264.5 points on the strength of 43 rebounds and 99 SP.

Rudy Gay led Baker with 141.5 points on 63 SP.

BAD BOY BONUSES

Jordan Hamilton Suspended

If you look up "tragedy" in the encyclopedia, this suspension will be in the first paragraph. Not because a punch was thrown. Oh, no, no, no. Because Hamilton is not on an active SBL roster and, therefore, none of our teams will benefit from a 75-point bonus.

NEW YORK -- Denver Nuggets forward Jordan Hamilton has been suspended one game without pay for throwing a punch and making contact with the shoulder of Oklahoma City Thunder center Steven Adams, it was announced today by Rod Thorn, President, Basketball Operations.

The incident, for which Hamilton was assessed a Flagrant Foul 2 and ejected, occurred with 11:01 remaining in the fourth quarter of Denver's 105-93 loss to the Thunder on Tuesday, Dec. 17, at Pepsi Center.

STANDINGS

Xavier McDaniel Conference

Paul Silas Conference

Team Catdawg

8-0

The Frozen Envelope

(slasher_14)

8-0

Da Double Techs

(smb282)

6-2

Phil's Radio Team

(Phil Naessens)

6-2

Paul Rogers

5-3

Team Meirose

5-3

Andre + Jennette

(ksmith1984)

4-4

Cobra Kai

(Kevin Nesgoda)

4-4

Bothell Beavers

(unknown)

4-4

Team Heaney

(ColmCanada)

4-4

Sethley The Nephew

3-5

Seattle Glove and Hate

(Eric E)

3-5

Seattle Mike Baker

1-7

Manmade Seacows

2-6

Baltimore Bullets

(Barely Able)

1-7

Primetime Sheed's

(Primetime Mitch)

0-8

SMACKDOWN(Z) OF THE WEEK

Matt Barnes vs. Kevin Love - Dec 22

Barnes ejected.

Ali Highlights

WEEKLY RODMANISM

"Fifty percent of life in the N.B.A. is sex. The other fifty percent is money." ~ Dennis Rodman

WEAK SAUCE

Paul George Flop - Dec 18

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