From the "Day Late and A Dollar Short" File, Steve Kelley dissects Team USA's loss to Greece as only he can.
With. Lots. Of. Short. Paragraphs.
Like. This.
In fact, I'm going to write the rest of this roundup Steve Kelley style in homage to the worst daily columnist in the Puget Sound region and perhaps the West Coast.
The Library had always been a place Steve walked by, a Rubik's Cube-shaped conundrum of knowledge waiting for him to solve it. But how?
I consulted with a good friend of mine, Booker T. Page-Turner. Booker and I can often be found at our local public libraries rearranging the stacks on the shelves, deceiving and confusing the librarians like a Chan Ho Park delivery.
Slow and sloppy, that is. That's when we aren't shooting hoops at Green Lake or hitting the clubs in Belltown like fastballs off the bat of Richie Sexson.
"Booker, I said, do you ever get lost in the bowels of the new Seattle Library?"
"Steve," he replied, "I can't even go inside. The interior confuses me like the brilliant trapping defense once championed by George Karl."
"Me too." But determined to show that our pride as Seattle men wasn't as deflated as Barry Bonds' biceps, we decided to give it a go.
We made our way down to the Library and decided to check out the offerings in the sports section.
My old friend Jim Ratt had asked me to check on a new up and coming Greek player whom he once promised me would be a "future stud." He then berated the Sonics in the same breath, saying "Wally Walker should have drafted this guy instead of whoever he picked in 2003. Just think about it. I've never even seen this guy play a single game, but SI did a feature on him the other day. They don't call you Baby Shaq if you don't have a chance of someday growing up to be big Shaq. Like Harold Miner, you know?"
"You're completely right as usual, Jim. I don't remember who the Sonics have picked in the draft since about 1996, but I'm sure whatever player they picked in 2003 isn't even on the team any more."
Surprisingly, the library was short on information about Schortsianis. But I did catch a blurb on the Cavaliers signing David Wesley, presumably to unseat the 2003-04 Washington Wizards as the Team With The Most Friggin Swing Players And Guards in NBA History.
Yes, my friend Booker and I had gotten lost in the library. But the journey had been the most important part of our trip.
That sentiment seems nonsensical, like a Mike Hargrove lineup. But nevertheless, it's true.