clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Sonics Bruising: Week Five Roundup

'Tis the season to slam your opponent to the hardwood. We give you week five of the SBL season.

Horse collar!
Horse collar!
Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE

It was another violent week in the Sonics Bruising League. Heads were butted. Punches were thrown. Suspensions were handed out. Just as we like it.

We brought in a consultant to train our franchises in the art of war, but it wasn't received very well, as you will read below.

For the first week in the season, The Frozen Envelope was not the leading scorer. That honor was earned by Team Meirose. He didn't best the Envelope by much and it was a 75-point bonus over the suspension of Mo Williams that put him over the top.

Also, the venerable Seattle institution known to us as Mike Baker finally made it into the victory column.


Team Meirose 1742, Wenatchee Wildmen 1660.5

"Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"Supreme excellence consists of cracking the Wildmen's exaggerated skulls with my elbow" - Team Meirose

Carmelo Anthony's 41 rebounds and 111 scoring points (SP) highlighted his 250.5 point effort to lead Meirose. Jared Sullinger's 38 boards and 17 fouls helped him tally 245.5.

Stephen Curry led the Wildmen with 196.5 points on the strength of 113 SP.

The Frozen Envelope 1705.5, Primetime Sheed's 1231.5

"All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"Good warfare is based on kicking Sheed in the stomach." - The Frozen Envelope

Serge Ibaka led the Envelope with 207.5 points on 32 rebounds and 12 blocks. Nikola Pekovic and Al Horford each contributed 198.5 points. Pekovic had 40 rebounds and Horford had 7 blocks.

Gerald Henderson led Sheed's with 145.5 points on 21 rebounds and 8 fouls.

Bothell Beavers 1652.5, Paul Rogers 1507

"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"Let Paul Rogers be taken to the locker room with a concussion that we give him." - Bothell Beavers

Paul George led the Beavers with 195.5 points on the strength of 23 rebounds and 13 steals. Klay Thompson followed with 185.5 points, highlighted by 86 SP and 23 rebounds.

David Lee led Rogers with 167.5 points on 35 rebounds in a losing effort.

Dang it!

Phil's Radio Team 1585, Seattle Glove and Hate 1368.5

"Engage people with what they expect; it is what they are able to discern and confirms their projections. It settles them into predictable patterns of response, occupying their minds while you wait for the extraordinary moment - that which they cannot anticipate." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"I rabbit punched the Glove and Hate in the kidneys over and over again, just as they expected." - Phil's Radio Team

The Radio Team was led by Kevin Love's 55 rebounds and 76 SP en route to a 218-point week. Anthony Davis' 31 boards led to 211.5 points.

Channing Frye's 195.5 points on 25 rebounds and 14 fouls led the Glove and Hate.

Da Double Techs 1426, Sethley the Nephew 1295.5

"When strong, avoid them. If of high morale, depress them. Seem humble to fill them with conceit. If at ease, exhaust them. If united, separate them. Attack their weaknesses. Emerge to their surprise." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"When on the court with the boys from Sethley the Nephew, punch them in the face as hard as you can." - Da Double Techs

Ricky Rubio and Josh McRoberts powered Da Double Techs with 144.5 points and 140.5 points, respectively. Rubio had 20 rebounds and 11 steals, while McRoberts garnered 19 boards and 14 fouls.

Tim Duncan and Nikola Vucevic each chipped in 190 points to lead Sethley.

Team Catdawg 1386, Andre + Jennette 1040.5

"Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"I head-butted Andre + Jennette on the bridge of the nose." - Team Catdawg

Dwight Howard led Catdawg with 215.5 points on 33 rebounds and 14 fouls. Kosta Koufos followed with 207.5 points on 37 rebounds and 8 blocks.

Andre Drummond's 268 points on 49 boards led Andre + Jennette.

Team Heaney 1382, Manmade Seacows 1098.5

"If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If I sweep Manmade's legs hard enough, he will land hard on his head." - Team Heaney

Kevin Durant's 36 boards and 81 SP helped him lead Heaney with 205.5 points. Marcin Gortat followed with 192 points on 33 boards and 7 blocks.

John Henson led the Seacows with 205 points on 30 rebounds and 12 blocks.

Seattle Mike Baker 1090, Baltimore Bullets 932

"Move swift as the Wind and closely-formed as the Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

" Hehehehe...he said wood." - Mike Baker

The Miami Heat powered Baker to his first victory. Dwayne Wade had 173.5 points on 20 rebounds and 82 SP, while LeBron James kicked in 173 points on 24 rebounds and 116 SP.

Another member of the Heat, Chris Bosh, led the Bullets with 179.5 points on 25 rebounds and 15 fouls.


Travis Outlaw Fined

A perfectly good flagrant foul is wasted because Outlaw is a free agent in the SBL. Pity. The NBA states the following:

NEW YORK, Nov, 24, 2013 - Sacramento Kings forward Travis Outlaw has been fined $15,000 for making excessive and unnecessary contact with Los Angeles Clippers guard J.J. Redick, it was announced today by Rod Thorn, President, Basketball Operations.

The incident, for which Outlaw was assessed a Flagrant Foul 2 and ejected, occurred with 8:06 remaining in the fourth quarter of the Kings' 103-102 loss to the Clippers on Saturday Nov. 23, at Staples Center.

Multiple Fines and Suspensions

Fight! Fight! There should be more of these in the NBA. Sonics Rising author Todd Smith was exactly right when he said that the NBA should take a page from the NHL's book by allowing more of this. Click here to read that article.

The following fines and suspensions all resulted from the same incident. The bonuses also. Andrew Bogut was suspended a game, resulting in a 75-point bonus to Sethley the Nephew. Mo Williams did the same for Team Meirose. LaMarcus Aldridge earned a 15-point bump for Team Heaney with his fine. Wesley Matthews and Draymond Green had the same accomplishment, both for the Baltimore Bullets.

Here is the NBA's statement:

NEW YORK, Nov. 25, 2013 - Golden State Warriors center Andrew Bogut and Portland Trail Blazers guard Mo Williams have each been suspended one game without pay for fighting after Bogut initiated an incident by elbowing Trail Blazers center Joel Freeland in the jaw.

In addition, for escalating the incident, Portland forward LaMarcus Aldridge has been fined $45,000, and Portland guard Wesley Matthews and Golden State forward Draymond Green have been fined $20,000 each.

The incident occurred with 3:42 remaining in the third quarter of the Trail Blazers' 113-101 win over the Warriors on Saturday, Nov. 23 at Oracle Arena. The penalties were announced today by Rod Thorn, President, Basketball Operations.


Xavier McDaniel Conference

Paul Silas Conference

Da Double Techs



The Frozen Envelope



Team Catdawg


Team Meirose


Paul Rogers


Phil's Radio Team

(Phil Naessens)


Sethley The Nephew


Wenatchee Wildmen

(Kevin Nesgoda)


Bothell Beavers



Team Heaney



Andre + Jennette



Seattle Glove and Hate

(Eric E)


Baltimore Bullets

(Barely Able)


Manmade Seacows


Seattle Mike Baker


Primetime Sheed's

(Primetime Mitch)



Golden State vs Portland - Nov 23

Starring Andrew Bogut.

Travis Outlaw vs J.J. Reddick - Nov 23


"Death has always had a prominent place in my mind. There are times when I think somebody might kill me."


Youtube Guy Whining About Outlaw's Flagrant

The Dirkster Flops - Nov 26