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Sonics Bruising: Week Fourteen Roundup

The commissioner of the league is fed up with the Seattle Seahawks stealing the spotlight from the SBL. We give you Week Fourteen of the Sonics Bruising League.

Edited by Tiffany Villigan

Why Kam? Why did you have to play football?
Why Kam? Why did you have to play football?
Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

Why can't Kam Chancellor play for the SBL? Or Malcolm Jenkins? Or Bobby Wagner? Dang it! Dang it! Dang it!

No fines this week. No suspensions this week. Are we turning into the NBA around here? I think it's time for a wakeup call for every one of our franchises. It will come in the form of a penalty. Not a monetary penalty, but a penalty of time.

I hereby declare that every owner and every executive and every player on our payroll must watch the Super Bowl over and over and over again this week - at least once a day. That way we can remind ourselves of exactly the way we are supposed to play. Like a football game, only on a basketball court.

And did I lose to freaking Kevin Nesgoda this week? For crying out loud. What else can go wrong?


Phil's Radio Team 1562.5, Bothell Beavers 949.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Kevin Love (Phil) 57 rebs, 132 SP 253.5
Goran Dragic (Phil) 13 fouls, 107 SP 181
Paul George (Bothell) 25 rebs, 46 SP 135.5
Team Catdawg 1457.5, Seattle Glove and Hate 916.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Jason Thompson (Cat) 29 rebs, 17 fouls, 43 SP 209
Dwight Howard (Cat) 27 rebs, 10 fouls, 70 SP 182.5
Blake Griffin (Glove) 28 rebs, 10 fouls, 101 SP 215.5
The Frozen Envelope 1435, Da Double Techs 1195.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Serge Ibaka (Froz) 28 rebs, 12 blocks, 70 SP 220
Paul Millsap (Froz) 25 rebs, 10 steals, 11 fouls, 55 SP 190
Ricky Rubio (Techs) 16 rebs, 9 steals, 13 fouls 150
Team Meirose 1331.5, Baltimore Bullets 662
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Jared Sullinger (Mei) 32 rebs, 12 fouls, 53 SP 174
Tobias Harris (Mei) 31 rebs, 54 SP 162
John Wall (Balt) 16 rebs, 11 steals, 51 SP 133
Cobra Kai 1330, Paul Rogers 1184.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Mark Gasol (Kai) 25 rebs, 55 SP 182.5
DeMarre Carroll (Kai) 17 rebs, 10 steals, 47 SP 141
DeAndre Jordan (Roge) 69 rebs, 11 fouls, 41 SP 290.5
Team Heaney 1168.5, Andre + Jennette 938.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Al Jefferson (Hean) 35 rebs, 85 SP 200
Gerald Green (Hean) 13 rebs, 14 fouls, 74 SP 179.5
Andre Drummond (Andre) 31 rebs, 35 SP 160
Sethley The Nephew 1062, Manmade Seacows 984.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Andrew Bogut (Seth) 48 rebs, 11 fouls, 34 SP 244.5
Marklieff Morris (Seth) 16 rebs, 17 fouls, 54 SP 179.5
Kyle Lowry (Cows) 20 rebs, 9 steals, 14 fouls, 100 SP 202.5
Primetime Sheed's 828.5, Seattle Mike Baker 695.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Zach Randolph (Sheed) 39 rebs, 10 fouls, 90 SP 207.5
Dante Cunningham (Sheed) 18 rebs, 32 SP 118.5
Rudy Gay (Baker) 21 rebs, 81 Sp 148



Grrrrrrrrrrrr. There would be lots of bonuses if Kam Chancellor were in our league. Kam Chancellor is, however, not in our league. If any of our franchise owners have any creativity, any drive, or any ambition, Bam Bam will show up on one of our rosters this week. I think we all know that's not going to happen.


Xavier McDaniel Conference

Paul Silas Conference

Team Catdawg


The Frozen Envelope



Paul Rogers


Team Meirose


Da Double Techs



Phil's Radio Team

(Phil Naessens)


Andre + Jennette



Cobra Kai

(Kevin Nesgoda)


Sethley The Nephew


Team Heaney



Bothell Beavers



Seattle Glove and Hate

(Eric E)


Baltimore Bullets

(Barely Able)


Manmade Seacows


Seattle Mike Baker


Primetime Sheed's

(Primetime Mitch)



Super Bowl XLVIII- Feb 2

I'm going to show the smackdown that SHOULD HAVE taken place on one of our courts. Come on people!


"Let's see Kam Chancellor wear a garter belt. Ain't happenin', boss." ~ Dennis Rodman