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Sonics Bruising: Week Seventeen Roundup

We are nearing the end, but the cuts and bruises keep on coming. We give you Week Seventeen of the Sonics Bruising League.

DeMarcus Cousins getting cozy with the opposition.
DeMarcus Cousins getting cozy with the opposition.
Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

I've been called on the carpet. Check out the following quote from Sonics Rising editor, Waseca pastor, and baseball purist Chris Meirose.

"Three things. We need to get PAUL to do some work around here and get SBL done, the designated hitter position sucks, and don't even get me started on instant replay. It's not Biblical!"

Chris said that so politely. You should see how your writers and editors communicate behind the scenes on a regular basis. You would look at Kevin Nesgoda in a completely different light and, possibly, behind bars.

Meirose does have two valid points here. First, instant replay is, in fact, not found in the Bible, though time did stand still once (Joshua 10:1-15). Second, it is past time for this week's roundup of the Sonics Bruising League, so here goes.

I'll start with the huge news of the week. The juggernauts of the league, the Frozen Envelope (16-1), have FINALLY been handed their first loss of the season. It is only fitting that the loss came at the hands of Team Catdawg (15-2), the team's closes competitor all season long. Catdawg thawed out the Frozen ones 1853.5-1689.

Both teams have locked up their respective conference championships.

There are now two weeks left in the regular season, so it's time to start talking about the playoffs. In our league, there will be four teams who make it in - the two conference winners and two wildcards. There will be two one-week rounds.

If the tournament started today, two teams from the Paul Silas Conference would win the wildcards. Team Meirose (4th seed at 12-5) would face the Frozen Envelope (1st seed), while Phil's Radio Team (3rd seed at 13-4) would square off against Team Catdawg (2nd seed).

While the conference titles are on ice, the two wildcard spots are by no means secure. Paul Rogers and Cobra Kai are breathing down the necks of Phil and Meirose with 11-6 records. These last two weeks should prove to be competitive and bloody. Let's hope so.


Team Catdawg 1853.5, The Frozen Envelope 1689
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Joakim Noah (Cat) 50 rebs, 8 steals, 51 SP 225.5
Lance Stephenson (Cat) 32 rebs, 9 fouls, 58 SP 171.5
Serge Ibaka (Froz) 32 rebounds, 9 blocks, 11 fouls 203.5
Paul Rogers 1550.5, Phil's Radio Team 1511.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Spencer Hawes (Roge) 34 rebounds, 14 fouls, 60 SP 227.5
DeAndre Jordan (Roge) 38 rebounds, 12 blocks, 34 SP 227
Thaddeus Young (Phil) 19 rebounds, 13 steals, 93 SP 176.5
Team Meirose 1316.5, Andre + Jennette 1147
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Carmelo Anthony (Mei) 34 rebounds, 13 fouls, 113 SP 221
Tobias Harris (Mei) 22 rebounds, 75 SP 137.5
Andre Drummond (Andre) 43 rebounds, 12 fouls, 43 SP 254
Cobra Kai 1257, Seattle Mike Baker 746
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Robin Lopez (Kai) 27 rebounds, 10 blocks, 11 fouls, 41 SP 205.5
Josh Smith (Kai) 23 rebounds, 14 fouls, 63 SP 199
Rudy Gay (Baker) 16 rebounds, 81 SP 140.5
Seattle Glove and Hate 1225, Sethley the Nephew 1070.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
DeMarcus Cousins (Glove) 23 rebounds, 10 fouls, 2 technical fouls, 1 ejection 183.5
Samuel Dalembert (Glove) 31 rebounds, 12 fouls, 26 SP 170.5
Nikola Vucevic (Seth) 54 rebounds, 16 fouls, 76 SP 295.5
Bothell Beavers 1203, Team Heaney 1056
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Paul George (Both) 29 rebounds, 8 steals, 85 SP 190
Pau Gasol (Both) 15 fouls, 13 fouls, 62 SP 161
Marcin Gortat (Hean) 36 rebounds, 11 fouls, 65 SP 210
Manmade Seacows 1168.5, Baltimore Bullets 1009.5
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Kyle Lowry (Cows) 17 rebounds, 6 steals, 14 fouls, 44 SP 164.5
Amir Johnson (Cows) 24 rebounds, 13 fouls, 34 SP 164.5
Ian Mahinmi (Bull) 17 rebounds, 4 steals, 6 blocks, 28 SP 153.5
Primetime Sheed's 1076, Da Double Techs 1029
Player Highlights Fantasy Points
Marcus Morris (Sheed) 22 rebounds, 15 fouls, 47 SP 183.5
Wesley Johnson (Sheed) 22 rebounds, 8 blocks, 12 fouls, 45 SP 182.5
Alexis Ajinca (Tech) 32 rebounds, 18 fouls, 48 SP 226.5


DeMarcus Cousins Suspended and Fined

Cousins punched a dude in the stomach. That's how we do things in the SBL. As a result, Seattle Glove and Hate benefits with 15 points from the resulting fine and another 75 from the suspension. The commissioner was starting to wonder if our players forgot how to properly express their anger.

NEW YORK, Feb. 27, 2014 - Sacramento Kings center DeMarcus Cousins has been suspended one game without pay and fined $20,000 for his actions in separate incidents, it was announced today by Rod Thorn, President, Basketball Operations.

Cousins has been suspended for punching Houston Rockets guard Patrick Beverley in the stomach with 9:44 remaining in the first quarter of the Kings' 129-103 loss to the Houston Rockets on Feb. 25, at Sleep Train Arena.

In addition, Cousins has been fined for verbally abusing a game official and failing to leave the court in a timely manner following his ejection with 8:21 remaining in the third quarter of the same game.

Cousins will serve his suspension on Friday, Feb. 28, when the Kings visit the Los Angeles Lakers at Staples Center.


Xavier McDaniel Conference

Paul Silas Conference

Team Catdawg


The Frozen Envelope



Paul Rogers


Phil's Radio Team

(Phil Naessens)


Da Double Techs



Team Meirose


Bothell Beavers



Cobra Kai

(Kevin Nesgoda)


Andre + Jennette



Team Heaney



Sethley The Nephew


Seattle Glove and Hate

(Eric E)


Baltimore Bullets

(Barely Able)


Manmade Seacows


Seattle Mike Baker


Primetime Sheed's

(Primetime Mitch)



DeMarcus Cousins vs Patrick Beverley


"I don't trust what this life has given me. ~ Dennis Rodman"