Sonics Bruising: Week Seven Roundup

Charles Barkley gives words of wisdom to all of our players. We give you week seven of the Sonics Bruising League.

By Paul Rogers Dec 17, 2013, 4:00pm PST

As we approach the mid-way point to the season, two teams are separating a bit from the pack. The Frozen Envelope and Team Catdawg remain unbeaten.

Also, those of you who put your money on Kevin Nesgoda for the first major team name change of the year can collect your booty. The Wenatchee Wildmen are now the Cobra Kai. Who will step up and put the Kai in their place with the infamous crane maneuver? Only time will tell.

HEAD TO HEAD

Cobra Kai 1665.5, Primetime Sheed's 1190.5

"All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine." ~ Charles Barkley

All Kevin Nesgoda knows is that his team walked into the dojo as the Wenatchee Wildmen, came out as Cobra Kai, and had a sudden propensity to sweep the leg. Sheed's was the first victim.

Robin Lopez scored 215 points on 37 rebounds and 7 blocks to lead the Kai. Stephen Curry scored 208 points on 126 scoring points (SP) and 15 fouls.

Zach Randolph led Sheed's with 217 on 42 boards and 14 fouls.

The Frozen Envelope 1620, Phil's Radio Team 1302.5

"If somebody hits you with an object you should beat the hell out of them." ~ Charles Barkley

Not sure what object the Radio Team hit the Envelope with, but the Frozen ones heeded Chuck's advice.

Paul Millsap pulled down 31 boards to go along with 5 steals and 15 fouls to lead the Envelope with 208.5 points. Glen Davis wasn't far behind with 205 points on 34 rebounds, 6 blocks, and 11 fouls.

Kevin Love scored 229.5 points on 54 rebounds and 124 SP to lead the Radio Team.

Manmade Seacows 1617, Team Meirose 1413

"I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime." ~ Charles Barkley

There was no overtime necessary here and the Seacows had just enough hate to put them over the top.

John Hensen dominated for Manmade with 258.5 points on the strength of 43 rebounds, 8 steals, and 12 blocks. Jonas Valanciunas added 170.5 points on 28 rebounds.

Carmelo Anthony led Meirose with 202.5 points on 120 SP.

Team Heaney 1463.5, Seattle Glove and Hate 1230.5

"We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good." ~ Charles Barkley

Now there is a business plan that Team Heaney was all too happy to live by.

LaMarcus Aldridge powered Heaney with 281 points on 59 rebounds and 102 SP. Greg Monroe kicked in 178.5 points on 30 rebounds and 11 fouls.

DeMarcus Cousins put up 292 points for the Glove and Hate, highlighted by 56 rebounds and 89 SP.

Paul Rogers 1445, Baltimore Bullets 943.5

"I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball." ~ Charles Barkley

Paul Rogers used a slightly different technique against the Bullets: just put a knee to the balls.

David Lee's 50 rebounds and 70 SP led to 250 points to spark Rogers. DeAndre Jordan contributed 243.5 points on 49 rebounds and 13 fouls.

Draymond Green led the Bullets with 159 points on 17 rebounds and 12 fouls.

Team Catdawg 1425, Da Double Techs 1146.5

"I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character." ~ Charles Barkley

Team Catdawg continued to show more toughness than Harding ever dreamed of and, in the end, Da Double Techs crumpled to the ground like Nancy Kerrigan and cried "Why?"

Joakim Noah's 234 points on 41 rebounds and 12 fouls sparked Catdawg. Dwight Howard followed with 224 points on 38 rebounds and 63 SP.

Ricky Rubio led the Techs with 161.5 points on 15 rebounds, 11 steals, and 12 fouls.

Andre + Jennette 1349, Bothell Beavers 1174

"Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor." ~ Charles Barkley answering a question from the judge who sentenced him to community service for throwing someone out of a window.

Andre + Jennette threw the Beavers all over the court from the opening whistle to the closing buzzer.

Andre Drummond led A + J with 256.5 points on 46 rebounds and 53 SP. Taj Gibson followed with 28 boards and 11 fouls to garner 266 points.

Victor Olapido led the Beavers with 198 points on 61 SP.

Sethley the Nephew 1244, Seattle Mike Baker 792.5

"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back...I thought he was going to pull a spear on me." ~ Charles Barkley

Baker threw some hard punches, but the Nephew threw harder counter-punches and it was enough to get the team back into the win column.

Andrew Bogut led Sethley with 251.5 points on 55 rebounds and 10 fouls. Nikola Vucevic followed with 170.5 points on 43 rebounds.

Corey "the Flopper" Brewer highlighted Baker's effort with 119.5 points on 39 SP.

BAD BOY BONUSES

Corey Brewer Fined

Yet another fine for flopping. It goes against every fiber of the commissioner's being, but current rules mandate that Brewer's team be given a 15-point bonus, so Mr. Baker gets the bonus.

NEW YORK -- Minnesota Timberwolves forward Corey Brewer has been fined $5,000 by the NBA for violating the league's anti-flopping rules for the second time this season.

The incident occurred with 2:51 remaining in the first quarter of the Timberwolves' 103-82 loss to the Miami Heat on Saturday, Dec. 7, at Target Center.

STANDINGS

Xavier McDaniel Conference		Paul Silas Conference
Team Catdawg	7-0	The Frozen Envelope (slasher_14)	7-0
Paul Rogers	5-2	Team Meirose	5-2
Da Double Techs (smb282)	5-2	Phil's Radio Team (Phil Naessens)	5-2
Sethley The Nephew	3-4	Cobra Kai (Kevin Nesgoda)	4-3
Bothell Beavers (unknown)	3-4	Team Heaney (ColmCanada)	3-4
Andre + Jennette (ksmith1984)	3-4	Seattle Glove and Hate (Eric E)	2-5
Seattle Mike Baker	1-6	Manmade Seacows	2-5
Baltimore Bullets (Barely Able)	1-6	Primetime Sheed's (Primetime Mitch)	0-7