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NHL team name? Vote Emeralds: Do it for Thoth

You should vote Emeralds in our NHL expansion team name tournament. Because reasons.

Pendant, c18th Century. Photo by Art Media/Print Collector/Getty Images

As we enter the Frozen Four round of our NHL expansion team name tournament this week, the Emeralds are going up against the heavily favored Thunderbirds.

Why should you vote Emeralds? There are two obvious answers.

First, Seattle is the Emerald City, which is as good of a reason as any. Second, it’s because you aren’t happy with the other three remaining names in this tournament, and you want our hockey investors to come up with something different from Thunderbirds, Totems, or Steelheads. This could explain how the Emeralds defeated the Goliaths that were the Metropolitans earlier in the tournament.

It’s the less obvious reasons, however, that you should concern yourselves with.

Ignite the Emerald Green

Any Star Wars geek will tell you that light sabers are constructed with kiber crystals. But only the most knowledgeable geek knows the secret of Luke Skywalker’s green laser sword.

After Skywalker lost his blue saber at the “hand” of his father, he constructed a green one. How did he do it? According to a legend that I just made up, he blended a kiber crystal with a green emerald, and the effect was astonishing.

So astonishing, in fact, that there was an “ignite the green” campaign designed to compel director Rian Johnson to have Skywalker wield the blade once more in The Last Jedi. To know if the campaign worked, you will have to watch the movie, which is still in theaters. And the movie isn’t controversial with fans. At all.

My point is this. If emeralds are good enough for Luke Skywalker’s weapon of choice, shouldn’t they be good enough for an NHL team name? Ignite the emerald green!.

Flashes of emerald green light

If you follow Spinal Tap, one of England’s loudest bands, you know that they have trouble keeping drummers. They tend to spontaneously combust and emit “flashes of green light,” leaving “little green globules” in their place. As it turns out, the green flashes and globules are more accurately described as emerald green.

The History of Thoth

You see, there might be these emerald green tablets that are mysterious and show you stuff in weird ways. The tablets might have writings by this dude from Atlantis named Thoth. One of these green messages might be located in Seattle, like at Ye Olde Curiosity Shop or something. I mean ... stranger things have surely happened. None come to mind, but...


Vote Emeralds! I think I’ve made a “rock” solid case. But if they don’t win? Don’t worry. It’s the Thoth that counts.