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Which Team Rocks The Best Uniform In The NBA?

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Sonics Rising conducts a fashion show to find the answer.

Edited by Tiffany Villigan

Who has the best uniform?
Who has the best uniform?
Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sport

The staff at Sonics Rising wanted to determine which team has the best uniform in the NBA, so they decided to conduct the first annual Sonics Rising Fashion Show. What follows is a play-by-play of each team's entry on the runway.

Rank: 30 - Oklahoma City Thunder
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17 30 26.4

Kevin Durant struts up and down the catwalk like he owns it in his light blue away uniform and wearing stylishly unlensed glasses. Kevin has learned the secret that most men dare not uncover -- that looking good is nearly as important as being good. From striking a pose in mid-air as he dunks from the free throw line to winking at a hot chick in the middle of a twenty foot turn around jumper, Kevin always looks good. Unfortunately for Kevin, as he gracefully pirouettes at the end of the runway before heading back into the dressing room, his Sonics Rising judges are just not that into him today, no matter how good he looks. Wearing a Thunder uniform equals last place. Sorry, KD. We love you.

Rank: 29 - Utah Jazz
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Dante Exum exudes confidence on any basketball court, but the rookie looks nervous as he prances down the runway with cameras flashing and people whistling. His uniform is ugly -- color scheme, logo, the whole shabang -- really ugly. He scolds himself for not choosing a different designer. His one chance to win this show rests firmly in the hands of Sonics Rising judge Taylor Bartle, who has long been rumored to have a man crush on him. The end of the catwalk approaches. Beads of sweat on his forehead. A dilemma that no one his age should have to face. As he starts his pirouette, his hand begins to lift the hem of his shorts up a few inches. He knows that a little thigh can go a long way in these situations. But no. Not for a man like Bartle. His hand releases the fabric. He's a better man than this. He does his turn and walks in the other direction with his dignity still in tact.

Rank: 28 - Houston Rockets
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10 29 22.5

His eyes say "come hither" to everyone in the screaming crowd as he seductively strokes his beard. James Harden never misses a chance to show off his threads with a sultry walk down the runway, and today he can't believe his luck. The Rockets had scheduled Trevor Ariza for this show, but he backed out at the last minute, muttering something about a restraining order on Sonics Rising editor Kevin Nesgoda. He takes longer than most to reach the end of the stage, due to frequent pirouettes and shooting poses. His stage presence is off the charts. In the end, though, it's not enough. He chose to wear the alternate uniform with the yellow stripes on the sides and it just doesn't look good, so a fashion show victory isn't in the cards today. He's okay with that, though. When he gets a chance to strut, he struts. It's the same principle he uses with shooting.

Rank: 27 - Milwaukee Bucks
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16 26 21.8

Jabari Parker isn't the slimmest of runway models, but he makes up for it with a can-do attitude and a little saltiness as he confidently makes his way toward the judges at the end of the stage. He feels good about the choice he made -- the away uniforms with the handsome green, the nice font on the jersey text, and the lovely red stripes on the sides. Most judges would love that combination, he thinks to himself. Unfortunately, he fails to recognize that his judges are all Sonics fans who have bad memories of a certain jersey that was worn in the mid nineties. He stops in terror as Dontae Delgado stands up and starts screaming, "You never put red and green together on a uniform! You hear me???" He turns back toward the dressing room with his loss all but certain.

Rank: 26 - Philadelphia 76ers
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15 29 21.4

Joel Embiid lumbers down the runway with a scowl on his face. He doesn't want to do this. He's not a fashion kind of guy. He just wants to play basketball. He also knows there's no way he's going to win this competition. It's not that the design of the uniform is bad. It's got a simple elegance that appeals to the old school nature of some old curmudgeons, like some of the judges might be. It's the mistake that was made, however, that doomed him. Though he was given the correct size of jersey, the genius who packed his gear mistakenly gave him the shorts of 5-10 guard Casper Ware. On Embiid, they look like Stockton shorts, which costs him the fashion show in the eyes of the judges.

Rank: 25 - New Orleans Pelicans
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12 27 20.6

Anthony Davis trots down the runway with confidence. His uniform looks good and he knows it. Sure, the colors were ripped off from the St. Louis Rams, but they are tastefully done and the team name font was done just right. As he nears the judges, he can see it in their eyes. He's got them. They love him. They want to vote for him. As he reaches the end of the stage, however, Sonics Rising dude Chris Meirose leaps onto the runway with a set of vibrating grooming clippers in his hand and a crazed look on his face. "Here! Let me take care of that unibrow for you, buddy!" Davis starts crying hysterically and turns around to run away, but Meirose is deceptively quick and tackles him into the stunned crowd. Security is called. The show is delayed as statements are taken. Davis' little girl tears are his undoing in the eyes of the remaining judges.

Rank: 24 - Phoenix Suns
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14 28 19.9

As much as possible, twin bothers Marcus and Markieff Morris avoid eye contact with the crowd as they timidly meander down the runway. The embarrassment of wearing these uniforms in public will only get worse when the season begins. It's the shorts. They can't believe their team allowed the designers to incorporate Hawaiian shorts into an official NBA uniform. They just want to reach the end of the stage, turn around, and get it over with. The end of the stage nears, with Marcus in the home jersey and Markieff in the alternate. Their aversion to eye contact causes them to miss the rage on the face of judge Taylor Bartle, who leaps onto the stage and rips the puke yellow fabric off of Markieff's arms. He turns to the crowd and says "No sleeves in basketball!" He then drops them as one would drop a mic and walks away. No fashion show victory for the Morris brothers.

Rank: 23 - Detroit Pistons
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9 27 19.5

A look of defiant expectation is displayed on the face of Spencer Dinwiddie as he parades down the catwalk. He doesn't expect to win the fashion show or come in last. His uniform isn't great or terrible. Nice colors and all, but it's just ordinary. But that's not what bothers Dinwiddie. He's dealt with this his entire life everywhere he goes. The insults. The snickers. The muffled laughter behind his back. He tells himself he's not going to cry this time. He nears the end of the stage and no one has laughed so far. Maybe no one will notice. Maybe everyone here is nice. As he does his pirouette and turns to walk away, the judges notice the name on the back of his jersey and try not to laugh. They are not successful. In unison, they burst out in guffaw. "Dim Whitty? Ha ha ha ha! Nice uniform, Dim Whitty!" Containing his rage with a single tear streaking his cheek, Dinwiddie yells, "Real mature, guys!" and stomps off. Before entering the dressing room, he turns and screams to the laughing audience, "No one likes to be laughed at!"

Rank: 22 - Miami Heat
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11 23 18.9

Chris Bosh can't help himself as he heads to the end of the stage. It's a pro-Heat crowd today and they really know how to get him going. Just as if he was playing in a home game, the chants in unison set his hips to interpretive dancing. Every shout of "Let's go Heat! Let's go Heat!" is translated as "Left right thrust! Left right thrust!" As usual, the crowd in its frenzy doesn't notice that Miami's team logo is essentially a fireball going through a toilet seat. Like all zealots, they wouldn't care if they did notice. The judges do, however, and Bosh doesn't get a sniff of victory.

Rank: 21 - Sacramento Kings
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3 30 18.1

With his signature headband in place, DeMarcus Cousins begins his strut up and down the catwalk.He's wearing the purple away jersey today and he's feeling sexy. Every so often he stops and flexes the guns. The ladies cheer and the men sneer. As he nears the judges, expecting a universal thumbs up and the chance to yell "Yeah, baby! Fashion show 3.0," he gets a surprise. Instead of the thumbs up for a uniform that most people find pretty awesome, the judges give him the wavy hand signal and facial expressions of disinterest. Infuriated, Cousins throws his headband into the crowd and begins to charge toward the panel. Security tackles him to the ground. The NBA has no comment, pending a review of the video.

Rank: 20 - Atlanta Hawks
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DISCLAIMER: The Hawks switched to "ATLANTA" on their home uniforms and the PAC logo on the shorts, but the aesthetic is overall the same.

Thabo Sefolosha works the platform serpentine style. He skirts one edge of the stage, stops, poses, wets a finger in his mouth and makes sizzling noises on his thigh. "Thabo hot!" He struts to the other side, does a quarterback slide, and strikes a Playgirl pose. "Thabo sexy!" He yanks off his red alternate jersey, holds up the ATL lettering to the crowd. "Thabo all time lover!" He thows the jersey to a "lucky" lady in the crowd and flexes his pecks all the way back to the dressing room. "Thabo be back later to pick up trophy!"

Rank: 19 - Los Angeles Clippers
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11 25 17.5

The audience falls deathly silent when the man in the Clippers uniform rumbles out on the stage with sweat pouring off of his gigantic reddened dome. He jumps up and down and yells all over the platform. "Woooooooooooo! Woooooooooo! Alright everybody! This is so freaking awesome to be part of this fashion show! Woooooooo! Wooooooooooo!" He finally stops screaming long enough to take off his stylish white home jersey and wipe the sweat from his upper torso. He grabs the closest microphone and speaks calmly for effect. "I love the Clippers. I love this fashion show, and I love all of you." Steve Ballmer then slowly strolls off of the stage with his soaking wet jersey slung over his shoulder as his audience tearfully begins a slow clap. Though Ballmer is clearly the winner, the judges choose not to vote for him, for fear of the perception they are trying to lure the Clippers to Seattle.

Rank: 18 - Minnesota Timberwolves
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4 28 17.4

Andrew Wiggins strolls out on stage and makes a point of establishing eye contact with every person in the audience. It's awkward. It takes almost an hour. It's uncomfortable. To every person who dares to return his stare, he hisses, "Andrew Wiggins is better than Kevin Love! Feel me?" He doesn't look away until each person nods their head in agreement. His demeanor is so intimidating that no one, including the judges, even notices the super awesome blue away uniform he is sporting. Instead of handing him the trophy right there, they simply nod their heads at him with nervous smiles frozen on their faces.

Rank: 17 - New York Knicks
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Confident in his surroundings, as this show is happening in the state of Washington, Carmelo Anthony lethargically walks the runway with a weird-looking cigarette in his hand. He is completely relaxed, with a peaceful look on his face, accentuated by glazed eyes. Paying homage to his alma mater, he wears the Knicks' hideously orange alternate uniform and starts singing, "They call me Mellow Melo, quite rightly..." He stops singing and stares out into the distance. The crowd goes silent. Moments pass. "Ima Taco bell!" He slowly walks off the stage to a smattering of applause.

Rank: 16 - Indiana Pacers
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Strapped to a custom-built Segway, Paul George rolls out in style to a standing ovation. His blue Pacers jersey is smartly accessorized by a lovely yellow leg cast. Though he is in an away uniform, the crowd makes him feel right at home. He slowly moves down the runway, saluting the crowd in appreciation for the warm reception. When he reaches the judging area, he begins his obligatory pirouette. But this is the first time he's ever driven one of these things and he loses control of the Segway. He can't stop spinning and the vehicle eventually rolls off of the stage. The crowd screams in terror. Those nearby who were not crushed by the impact begin to faint. The paramedics arrive. His other leg is immobilized and they cart him away. The judges feel bad for not giving him the trophy, but his uniform just isn't that great. The show goes on.

Rank: 15 - Cleveland Cavaliers
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5 24 16.4

The King walks triumphantly onto the stage to the boos of the crowd. It's still a pro-Heat audience, after all. His arms extended defiantly to the heavens, LeBron soaks in the boos. He's used to being the villain now. Wearing Cleveland's yellow alternate jersey, he grabs the nearest microphone and says, "Glad to bring my talents to this fashion show!" The boos get louder and LeBron begins to meander back to the locker room. Andrew Wiggins rushes onto the stage and clobbers LeBron over the head with a folding chair. The crowd goes crazy with joy until the King grabs the chair away from Wiggins and begins to repeatedly pummel his kidneys with it. This could be the end for Wiggins, but King James suddenly crumples to the stage in pain. "Cramp! Cramp! Cramp!" Both are helped off the platform to awkward applause.

Rank: 14 - Brooklyn Nets
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One of his grandkids pushes him onto the platform in a wheelchair. He is wearing the super cool black and white away uniform of the Brooklyn Nets, not that anyone can tell, because it is buried under layers and layers of old man garments -- a pair of wool blankets, three sweaters, and a shawl. The audience applauds politely for Kevin Garnett, though his wrinkles render him completely unrecognizable. He tries to speak and the crowd falls to a hush. His voice ravaged by advanced years, he is handed a microphone. He mumbles "Tastefully done....all nude" and slumps forward. His grandson wheels him back to the dressing room as his Swedish nurse rushes out and frantically checks for a pulse. It's a tragic thing. The judges never got a good look at his uniform.

Rank: 13 - Memphis Grizzlies
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2 27 15.3

Zach Randolph emerges from the dressing room wearing ... a suit and tie. A sober expression on his face, he steps up to the microphone. "I would like to read a statement that has been signed by every member of the Memphis Grizzlies. We, the Memphis Grizzlies, stand in solidarity against this event of exploitation. We are not pieces of meat. We are not boy toys. We are professional basketball players and it is wrong to treat us as objects. Therefore, we can not take part in this event with a good conscience and we call on the rest of our brothers in the NBA to join us in this boycott. Thank you." The crowd sits in stunned silence as he is escorted back to the dressing room by bikini-clad members of the Grizzlies Dance Team.

Rank: 12 - Toronto Raptors
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3 28 13.8

Four nondescript bench warmers for the Toronto Raptors walk hand-in-hand from the locker room to the judging area. The away jerseys they are sporting proudly boast the Canadian color of red as the players sing a barbershop quartet version of "Oh, Canada." The crowd of ugly Americans begins to pelt the performers with empty bottles of Moulson Ice, but the group is undaunted and sings all four verses with feeling and perfect technique. They are then rushed to the emergency room to receive an unknown quantity of stitches to the forehead.

Rank: 11 - Orlando Magic
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4 27 13.4

Seth Curry comes out of the dressing room, wearing the dark alternate jersey of the Orlando Magic. He sees Penny Hardaway in the crowd and goes all Will Smith on him. "Want to know the difference between you and me? I make this look good." He spins around near the judges' table and wiggles his hind quarters in Matt Tucker's direction. Tucker immediately begins to lobby the other judges in favor of Curry.

Rank: 10 - Washington Wizards
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4 28 11.6

He saunters onto the runway with a devilish look on his face. John Wall is up to something. Something naughty? Maybe. Something raunchy? Hope not. Something sexy? We'll find out soon enough. He approaches the judges and rips off his Wizards red away jersey to reveal a menacing Hydra tatoo on his chest. He grabs the microphone and screams at the top of his lungs, "Hail, Hydra! Hail, Hydra!" Suddenly, Shield agent in hiding Melinda May repels down from the rafters, squeezes him unconscious with her thighs, and disappears into the crowd as mysteriously as she appeared. A standing ovation breaks out.

Rank: 9 - Los Angeles Lakers
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4 19 11.0

Experiencing the best health of his last three years, Kobe Bryant saunters out on the stage sporting a smile that would light up all of Los Angeles. His legs feel great. The women in the crowd think they look pretty awesome, too. He reaches the judging area, begins his pirouette, and dislocates his ankle. As he writhes on the platform in pain, that classic home Laker jersey of his still looks really sharp. Doctors estimate he will miss the first 30 games of the season.

Rank: 8 - Denver Nuggets
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3 28 11.0

Kenneth Faried was scheduled to walk the runway, sporting a yellow Nuggets alternate jersey. As it turns out, he is a huge fan of hip hop artist Drake, to whom he defers for the honor. Drake dances on out there and breaks out into a fanciful rendition of rap music. His cadence is inconsistent and his voice is extremely pitchy and grating, to the horrific shock of the audience. Because he's usually so much more skillful. The crowd begins to stop their ears and begs him to quit "singing." He thinks they are totally kidding, so he raps louder and harder. Suddenly, Shield agent in hiding Melinda May repels down from the rafters, squeezes him unconscious with her thighs, and disappears into the crowd as mysteriously as she appeared. A standing ovation breaks out.

Rank: 7 - Boston Celtics
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1 30 10.6

Much like Faried, Celtics GM Danny Ainge is also a huge fan of Drake. He revives him in the dressing room with smelling salts and lovingly dresses him in a ratty old Paul Pierce home jersey. Drake dances on out there and breaks out into a fanciful rendition of rap music. His cadence is inconsistent and his voice is extremely pitchy and grating, to the horrific shock of the audience. Because he's usually so much more skillful. The crowd begins to stop their ears and begs him to quit "singing." He thinks they are totally kidding, so he raps louder and harder. Suddenly, Shield agent in hiding Melinda May repels down from the rafters, squeezes him unconscious with her thighs, and disappears into the crowd as mysteriously as she appeared. A standing ovation breaks out.

Rank: 6 - Charlotte Hornets
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1 14 10.0

Deep down, you knew this was going to happen. Didn't you? But no one is fully prepared for the moment when Michael Jordan cooly enters the runway, sporting a really sharp teal blue alternate jersey for the newly renamed Charlotte Hornets. No one is prepared to see his now flabby arms and legs, but there they are as he casually strolls up and down the runway with his favorite putter slung over his shoulder. Ugh. Just ugh.

Rank: 5 - Dallas Mavericks
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2 21 9.0

Dirk Nowitzki walks onto the runway wearing a suit, walks up to the microphone, and reads a prepared statement. "The Dallas Mavericks stand in solidarity with our brothers from the Memphis Grizzlies and decline to take part in this exploitive show. We are not objects. We are professional basketball players." He then walks off the stage to a chorus of boos.

Rank: 4 - Golden State Warriors
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1 17 8.8

Harrison Barnes hits the runway, does a quick twirl for the judges, and heads straight back into the dressing room. The Golden State Warrior uniforms need no antics. They are that cool looking.

Rank: 3 - San Antonio Spurs
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5 24 8.3

Leaning on a walker, but not quite as decrepit as Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan plods his way out on the platform. His moves aren't fancy, but they are efficient and proper. He's the Big Fundamental of runway models as well. He exits in complete confidence on the strength of one of the best jerseys in the league every year.

Rank: 2 - Portland Trail Blazers
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2 20 7.9

To the shock and dismay of every Blazer fan in the audience, Portland sends two of the franchise's historic big men onto the runway, one wearing a home jersey and the other wearing an away jersey. Sam Bowie and Greg Oden pace up and down the runway with arms linked, not out of solidarity, but in an effort to hold each other up. Bad knees, you see.

Rank: 1 - Chicago Bulls
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1 11 3.6

Out trots Pau Gasol in the same old boring uniform the Bulls have always worn. The judges are just about to cross the jersey off the list without even thinking about it, but then something amazing happens. Gasol goes all Zoolander on them and gives them his version of the "blue steel" look. The judges are amazed. Under Gasol's charms and in unison, the judges all say "My God. It's beautiful!" Even though the jersey isn't even close to the best in the league, the judges fall victim to Gasol's catwalk voodoo and immediately name Chicago the winner.

Jersey renders are courtesy of sportslogos.net and Conrad Burry (follow @conradburry for uniform news and updates).